Parent Resource Center

Youth Smoking Prevention
Teenage Smoking Warning Signs: Things to Look For, Ways to Ask

Some of the warning signs of teen smoking are subtle and easy to miss while others may be more obvious. For example:

If you’re concerned your teen might be smoking, you may be afraid to say the wrong thing, dread his reaction, or worry about losing your cool. Maybe you experimented with cigarettes as a kid, and tell yourself it’s not such a big deal. But it is a big deal and you do need to talk about it – the sooner the better.

There are ways to make this easier:

  • Raise the subject while you’re doing something together such as riding in the car, playing with the dog, watching TV, or any activity that doesn’t require your child’s full concentration.
  • Don’t insist on eye contact; sometimes it’s easier for kids to talk when they don’t have to look you straight in the eye.
  • Start by saying something like, "I’ve noticed your clothing smells like cigarette smoke. Let’s talk for a minute.”
  • Don't feel you have to address all your concerns at once. This should be the first of many conversations.

IF HE SAYS "I DON'T SMOKE."

If he denies smoking and you believe him, continue to check in with him from time to time. Make sure he knows that you’re willing to talk about this, and to answer any questions he has – or to help him find the answers.

You might also point out that being a “smoker” can mean different things to different people. Some kids think that just smoking once in a while, at parties or in the car for example, doesn’t count.22. Mermelstein, R. (2003). Teen smoking cessation. Tobacco Control, 12(Suppl I), i25-i34.

But it does count. Tell him: “You know, if you ever feel tempted to try smoking, even once or twice, you can tell me about it and I won’t get mad.” For more information on youth smoking prevention, see Raising kids who don't smoke and Peer pressure & smoking.

IF YOU THINK SHE'S LYING

If your teen denies smoking and you don’t believe her, don’t let this shut down communication between you and your child. It’s not unusual for teens to lie about smoking. If you’ve done a good job of communicating your values, your child knows that you disapprove of her smoking, and she’s probably worried about your reaction.

Many teens try to explain away evidence: “I was holding the cigarettes for my friend,” “My clothes got smelly because some kids were smoking in the car,” or simply, “You don’t trust me!”

Being lied to can be very upsetting. Try not to overreact or label your child a liar. Don’t argue the evidence – this will just turn into a power struggle. Remember, your goal is not to prove your case but to open and maintain a dialogue with your teen.

Don’t focus on the lying; focus on the smoking. Say something like, “Well, OK, maybe you didn’t smoke, but let’s talk about cigarettes anyway.”

IF SHE ADMITS TO SMOKING

If your teen admits to smoking, give her credit for her honesty: “I’m impressed by your maturity in admitting this to me. Let’s talk about what’s going on.”

Diane was grateful when 13-year-old Danny confessed to smoking. She expressed her disapproval, but kept the lines of communication open. “I’m glad he trusts me enough to tell me the truth,” she says. “If he had lied to me, it could have been years before I found out. I told him how much I loved him and how this is not something I want to see him continue.”

Text in this section from: Could your kid be smoking? (2005)

Free resources for Parents:

Order or download free publications from the Raising Kids Who Don't Smoke parent resource series.