Parent Resource Center
You may remember the excitement of moving up to middle school or high school. But you may not recall how it feels to walk into the lunchroom and believe everyone is scrutinizing your words, your walk, your clothes... your entire worth.
During the ups and downs of adolescence, these transitions can be especially challenging times. Kids can be overwhelmed and intimidated by the new surroundings, new faces and their sudden fall in stature from being the oldest in school to the youngest. They begin to experience more pressure to try things they know aren't right.
Encouragement from friends to smoke cigarettes is one of the new pressures your child might encounter. A 2004 study showed that among 11-17-year-olds who smoked cigarettes in the past 30 days:
Friends are the most often-utilized source for adolescent access to cigarettes. Approximately 69% of adolescent current smokers reported past 30-day access to cigarettes through friends.11. Philip Morris USA Youth Smoking Prevention (2007). Teenage Attitudes and Behavior Study – 2006 Results.
Below are some good reminders of ways you can help your child resist peer pressure and remain strong through some of the more challenging times.
As they develop, adolescents often struggle to understand how others—especially their peers—view them. They worry about being rejected if they don't fit in.
Reassure your child that while friends will sometimes hassle her for not going along, many times they won't. Either way, the most important thing is for her to make her own decisions.
Adolescents also tend to overestimate how many people are actually involved in risky behaviors. In a recent survey adolescent nonsmokers believe that 37% of their peers smoke, while adolescent smokers thought that 57% of theirs peers smoke.22. Philip Morris USA Youth Smoking Prevention (2007). Teenage Attitudes and Behavior Study – 2006 Results. Make sure your child knows that the large majority of both kids and adults simply DO NOT smoke.
Overview of Key Findings 2006 (PDF)
Monitoring the Future
Your expectations must be clear. Your rules must be clear. This goes for the things your child shouldn't do, such as smoking and drinking, as well as for privileges such as driving and curfews. Involve him in setting some boundaries and rules (curfews, for example), but remember that on important topics, like smoking and drinking, you should have the final say. Make sure he knows that the consequences for breaking rules will be enforced.
Knowing your child's friends is actually just the beginning. Make her friends feel welcome in your home—when you're there. If they're comfortable, they'll spend more time at your home and less time in unsupervised places.
Pay attention to how the kids interact with you and with each other. Are the relationships equal and respectful? Do your kids hold their own when they're joking or goofing around, or do they seem to be easily influenced by what their friends say to them? Use these observations for discussion with your child.
If one of her friends smokes, tell your daughter you disapprove of the smoking; don't say "I don't like your friend." If you focus on the behavior, she will be more likely to discuss the friend's smoking and not be defensive. Point out the friend's positive qualities as well as the negative.
Reward your child for making good choices in friends. Extend his curfew once in a while when he's with those friends, or have him invite the group over and treat them to pizza.
Know the friends' families too. When you drive your daughter to a friend's house, introduce yourself to the parents. If she plans to attend a party, let her know you'll call the host's parents and ask what's planned.
Stress is a big factor in youth smoking.33. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Keeping Youth Drug Free. Center for Substance Abuse Prevention. DHHS Publication No. (SMA)-3772. Rockville MD, printed 2002, revised 2004. Here's how you can help:
Help your child practice thinking for herself. Encourage her to be a leader, to form opinions and make decisions based on her own judgment.
Ask questions like, "What do you think of what that group's doing? What do you think of their choices?" Remember that having him think through these problems can be just as important as the answers he comes up with. The more he trusts himself and his ability to make independent decisions, the less vulnerable he'll be to peer pressure.
Empathy involves seeing things from your child's perspective so you can understand her emotions. When you show empathy for your child's feelings, you teach her that you value her thoughts. This helps her learn to trust herself. It also helps her understand your perspective as a parent: "I knew you might worry, so I called home."
Some kids take inappropriate risks, including smoking cigarettes, because they're bored.44. The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University (August 2003). National Survey of American Attitudes on Substance Abuse VIII: Teens and Parents. Getting your child involved in groups or clubs that fit her interests can reduce the chances of boredom and provide her with a new set of strengths. Besides building her confidence by helping her to achieve something positive, being involved in activities can expose her to a group of peers who share her interests, as well as to coaches or group leaders who can reinforce your message and be mentors and role models.
Promoting Positive Youth Development (PDF)
National Clearinghouse on Families and Youth
Text in this section from: Peer pressure & smoking (2005)
