Parent Resource Center - Continuing the Conversation About Not Smoking

One conversation with your kids about not smoking isn't enough. Introduce the subject when a child is still very young, in simple language and with clear rules. As your child grows, repeat the message in terms he can relate to. Here are some suggestions to help you decide what to say, when to say it, and how.

Even if smoking is a hot-button issue for you, it's important that you remain calm and relaxed when raising the subject with your child. Keep it light. Nothing turns off teens and preteens more than a lecture. Don't do all the talking. Ask questions and truly listen to your child's answers, without judging.

LOOK FOR OPENINGS

In the activity "Find a Good Time to Talk", you'll find ideas on how you can initiate a conversation about not smoking, but at other times your child may open the door for a frank discussion. Be alert for these opportunities. If your daughter asks for permission to go to a party on Friday night, talk about the situations she might encounter there and how she can deal with them. If your teenage son is talking about the rules his high school coach has set down for the team, discuss some of the health reasons for those rules.

WHAT MATTERS TO YOUR CHILD

You know your child better than anyone, so you're in a great position to know which messages about not smoking may make the biggest impression. Here are some reminders of points you may want to make about smoking. Of course, you'll want to talk about these subjects in your own words, geared to your child's level of understanding.

State your own values clearly. Younger children may respond well to simple rules, such as "In this family we don't smoke. I don't want you to smoke and will be disappointed if you do." As your child grows older, she may be more concerned with fitting in with her peers. But she's still listening closely to what you have to say—even if it doesn't feel that way at times!
Focus on short-term consequences.As adults, we know that smoking leads to life-threatening illnesses such as heart disease, emphysema and lung cancer. But most teenagers don’t worry about long-term risks. They can’t imagine what it’s like to be older or to be sick. Make sure you also focus on the immediate consequences of smoking — things such as bad breath, smelly clothes, yellow teeth or poor performance in sports. You might also point out that even kids who don’t smoke daily may report signs of addiction.1 1. McNeill, A.D., West, R., Jarvis, M., Jackson, P., Bryant, A. (1986). Cigarette withdrawal symptoms in adolescent smokers. Psychopharmacology, 90, 533-536.,2 2. Barker, D. (1994, October 21). Reasons for tobacco use and symptoms of nicotine withdrawal among adolescent and young adult tobacco users — United States, 1993. Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report, 43(41), 745-750.
Run a reality check. Preteens and teens tend to overestimate the number of children their age and older who engage in all sorts of risky behaviors, including smoking, using drugs and drinking alcohol. Make sure your child knows that the large majority of high school students don't smoke.
Talk about peer pressure. Acknowledge some of the tough situations your child may face, and suggest positive ways of dealing with them (see "Your Kids & Peer Pressure" for more on this important topic). Remember, too, that positive peer pressure can help keep her away from tobacco, alcohol and other drugs. Point out classmates and friends she admires who don't engage in these behaviors.
Show them the money! Kids are proud of what they can do with the money they earn. Figure out together how much it would cost each year to smoke and how many hours it would take, at typical teen wages, to earn that. Then talk about what else they might do with that money.
Set the rules. Tell your child the consequences for smoking in your family, and make sure you follow through on them.

40 Developmental Assets
Search Institute

TALK ABOUT OTHER TOBACCO PRODUCTS, TOO

Go beyond cigarettes. Help your children understand that all forms of tobacco are dangerous and addictive, including smokeless tobacco products.

IF YOUR CHILD ALREADY SMOKES

If you think (or know) that your teen or preteen is smoking, you still need to talk about your values, and all the reasons not to smoke. The hardest part can be managing your own feelings of anger, disappointment or guilt. Resist the urge to punish or shame him, and don’t launch into a lecture; your child is likely to shut down and tune you out, just when you really need to have a conversation.

Instead, talk about things you’ve noticed (friends who smoke, clothes smelling like smoke). “I’m concerned that you might be thinking about smoking, or already using cigarettes.” Without accusing, talk about situations, people or feelings that might be encouraging him to smoke. Describe your concerns: “You know how I feel about smoking, and it’s very easy to get addicted to cigarettes.” Ask about some of the symptoms of cigarette addiction:3 3. Wellman, R.J. et al (2004). Short term patterns of early smoking acquisition. Tobacco Control, 13, 251-257.

Do you ever have strong cravings to smoke, or feel like you really need a cigarette?
Do you have trouble concentrating or feel irritable or anxious when you can’t smoke?
Is it hard to keep from smoking at school or other places you shouldn’t smoke?
Have you tried to quit but couldn’t?

And remember, smoking is not just a discipline issue, but a medical problem. Encourage your child to talk to her doctor and look for local resources that can help her quit. Ask her if she’s already considered quitting, and what her concerns are.

If she answers “no” to those four questions, or doesn’t want to talk, remind her how important this is to her future life and health, and that you plan to keep talking about it.

For more Ideas, see the "Could your kid be smoking?" section.

Changing Adolescent Smoking Prevalence
National Cancer Institute

EXPECT SOME REBELLION

Finally, expect your child to rebel on occasion. That's part of what adolescence is all about. If you accept safer ways of rebelling—perhaps through fashion, hairstyles or music—your child may feel less of a need to rebel through smoking, drinking and drug abuse.

Next Topic: Talking to Your Pre-Teen

Text in this section from: Raising kids who don't smoke (2005)

Free resources for Parents:

Order or download free publications from the Raising Kids Who Don't Smoke parent resource series.

RELATED ACTIVITIES

Find a Good Time to Talk